I let go of my psycho ex for good. Controlling, insane, manipulative and cruel.

Last night my manager invited me upstairs, and he didn't want sex.. he just wanted to sleep with me. Next to me. Assuming in the morning I got him "Macca's and some fruit", of course.

Not only that, but he's touching me more. In public even. This doesn't feel like the whole situation is 'hidden' anymore. Last night I was on the computer, and he rubbed my ass as he walked past. This morning, as I stuck around after giving him breakfast, he rubbed my shoulders and said "hey.." close to my ear. This is something this guy would never do, he's too proud. Butterflies churned. Something inside me says he's actually beginning to like me a little... he's changed the way he kisses me, talks to me, looks at me. It's quieter, different. Working with him is easier.

Work is harsh and long, Christmas is definitely here. Bookings, quick call-ins, stressed managers, and a staff meeting on Monday... the only one we've had this year.

Also, driving home, a hose blew in my engine.
Toyota, unimpressed.

Work related issues.

I don't even know where to start, this week was hectic.

I had my first complaint made about me on Saturday night.

I was on the back bar as a single server. This means I was by myself catering the beer and wine bar for 150 people having their Christmas function. I'd worked a split shift this Saturday, I was exhausted having done nearly 11 hours with an hours break -- my fault, they were intensely busy the whole time and I refused to take a break until it quietened down.

So it's late, I'm tired, and my ankle hurts. Doesn't matter, still smiling, still pouring beers, and maybe only slightly aggressively throwing bottles in the bin. A u of people wanted drinks after the speeches were made, so I propped the fridge door open with a bar stool so I could maneuver in and out without issue. So this old short guy comes up to me afterwards, sneers, and says "your fridge door is stuck open."

I said "yes mate, it is. The beer is still cold."
"Incompetent. You would NEVER have a job with me."

I roll my eyes and keep doing my job... when one of the other staff girls comes up to me and says "time to swap.. go meet (boss) before he meets you."


Oh for fuck sake.


Boss meets me in the hall, says "upstairs. Now."
He climbs the stairs and I follow, anger bubbling up.

"I didn't fucking do anything wrong"... I snap easily.
"Yes you did. He said you told him to fuck off when he told you to close the fridge door."

"No I did not!"

I was fuming and upset, plus I wasn't used to this boss, who's been inside me, yelling at me either. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate that he's not only my main lover, but also my manager. It'd been a long day and I was sick of smelling like a brewery and the thought of driving home was sickening and everything sucked. 


So he offers me his bed.

I'm huffing and obviously pissed off, and he gets up, says "fucking pull yourself together" and leaves back downstairs.. and there's an echo of the jukebox and thudding parties below.

Meh.

I walk to his room, slide the door across, undress and slip into one of his t-shirts to keep warm. I pace backwards and forwards into my head until before I know it, it's 4am, I'm waking up, and my boss slides in naked next to me.

"how'd tonight go?"
"fucking sucked.. had two brawls."
"mmm.."

he's been perversely stressed lately -- overworked, issues with another manager, issues with how things are going, Christmas, etc.

"want to suck my cock?"

The sex that followed was fucking intense. I was on top, I slid onto him and he pulled me into a grind... I kept up the pace and came, hard. I shivered and pushed for more, and came again.

"What the fuck was that? Jesus woman."

20 minutes later I was in a frenzy, being fucked and fucking his awesome dick. I rode his cock, he'd flex, I'd cum. He'd keep fucking me, I'd grind, he'd fuck me, I'd cum.

I came 29 times all up.. and by the end I was curled up in agony over his chest with him breathing 'relax' into my ear. I was shuddering and whimpering when he gently pulled out, bent me over, and started fucking me from behind... and when he came, I could feel him pumping into me, pushing his toned hips and chest into my lower back and ass, thrusting out the last of his cum.

He slums over next to me, and I fall asleep as he kisses my neck and lips gently.

Last night was a bit more upbeat. We stayed for staff drinks afterwards, and I was on my Reddit account goofing on /r/gw at work while the manager was closing. MY manager who was off the roster came up behind me close and said "you're staying here tonight."

So, after I dropped the rest of the drunks off at their prospective locations, I came back and slipped in beside him.

"You should take some photos with me" I quietly say from under his arm. "I want some photos of me sucking your cock."

He pushed for it that night, but I declined.. wasn't feeling upbeat, but the sex was still great. So that's on the cards.

In other news, the old rocker I adore said he loves me, and I had to back off. I'm also looking at moving out and way into town.

Lots of shifts this week..

A massive nationally-famous band played last night, and I worked. The pub I was at (#2) was dead... the pub I ended up at after work to "relax" was ABOVE capacity, acting as a nightclub, security and all.

And they had 4 new staff.
FOUR.
on a night like that.

So, the bar was packed, the new staff were panicking, my boss was stressing, they were running out of glasses... so I jumped the bar like a fucking ninja and worked for 4 hours helping the new staff out. New staff aren't that bad, and it's good for them on a busy night, but they couldn't handle this and my boss needed to be out doing manager things, not being a barman, so me jumping in free'd him up to do his actual job. These guys weren't useless, but let's break them down;

(k) is new female barstaff. I can't see why they hired her, no experience and she's not the most attractive girl. She's also rather large (not good behind a bar running into people), a little slow and a little aloof, but she's getting it.

(j) is a VERY competent bar guy, who wouldn't stop grabbing my ass and asking me to fuck him on the bar all night. Cockiest little prick I've ever met. Good looking and he KNOWS it, fast, clever, fun to work with and the girls love him.. plus he knows his drinks. VERY good value and a great hire.

(s) is gonna be good value.. tall, charming, good looking. Not fast or high-energy, but did really well for his first night.

(p) is the new closing manager. Fuck P. /end

but the upsetting thing is, after an awesome night of unpaid labor and feeling great for helping out, when the bar got quiet I jumped out and one of the older female staff dumps a Jack and Coke in front of me.. which was obviously 4 or 5 shots. And I got through a fair chunk of that bottle.

Why? Cos manager was being an asshole.

So when the older staff member, B, and I left and dropped my car off, he called me back. And we sat in that pub for an hour and talked.

The basics are; people still know we're fucking. His ex sent him a facebook message crying to him about it (he left her to persue me). He's upset that I get so upset when he rejects me for being so tired (fair enough, the guy gets about 3 hours sleep a night and works 50 hour weeks). He said how he likes me but not in that way, and that's when I cracked it.

"What the FUCK is wrong with me that you wouldn't want me?"
"Nothing, you're amazing."
"Then what the FUCK is it?"
"Well.."

Age.
Faith.

"if I was a Christian that wouldn't change a fucking thing."
"Yes, it would, it'd change everything.."

For fuck sake.

I had to go. It was hard.
He hugs me and asks what I'm doing Wednesday.

"Nothing."
"We'll go out and talk about this then."
"Okay."

I'm working with him tonight for 2 hours... I'm going to have to chill the fuck out and he's going to have to man up and be a bit nicer to me.

hint: don't screw the crew.

I've only done 32 hours this weekend (Thur - Mon), which is comfortable. Monday night was an easy one, I probably only served 4 people all night and then ended with a massive bowl of chips at half price discount... hospitality isn't very conductive to health.

I worked at Bar #2 for that shift... mostly cleaning and restocking. A very quiet night indeed, as it usually is for the first few recovery days of the week. But this isn't really what I want to talk about... I want to talk about what happened afterwards.

I drove over to bar #1, my favorite job and often hangout after my shift, at probably 10:30pm. Of course I knew the manager i've been sleeping with was there.. he's always there. It's usually a pretty good bet no matter what time that he will be there. He was sitting with a regular gentleman who's usually pretty drunk and obnoxious, and one of the chef's who'd knocked off. I sat down next to the regulars while avoiding physical contact with my manager.. after all, we're not together. I didn't want him thinking I was going to overstep my bounds, although I never have in the 4 months we've been sleeping together,

I'm friendly and quiet -- I could feel the tension amongst them, it had a really somber mood. They were talking religion; and out of all 4 of us, I was the only one without faith or whom had not been Christened. This isn't the point of this story, but it does set the mood. Manager steered the conversation away from me numerous times, he knew I'm uncomfortable with the idea and took it easy. He's a nice guy. The Regular pushed the topic but Manager ended it with a simple "i've tried before."

When Manager and I were finally alone as the other two boys ducked up to grab a drink or two, I asked what he was doing later. "I'm pretty tired... pass out probably!" and I just smiled. It was nice being in his company, anyway, especially with the sombre tone. He probably wasn't used to it, usually I have a pretty aggressive temper when he turns me down.

The other boys get back and continue their conversations. I keep catching my managers eye, sitting directly across from him, and he can hold my gaze longer than I can keep his. He's strong, deep-voiced, confident and tall and built... he's a bit of an intimidating force. At one point he gets up and drops my payslips in front of me, and whispers "read them."

The conversation deepens and lingers as the alcohol keeps on coming, and the closing manager leaves us alone in the closed pub. During this, my phone vibrates... calls. My ex calling. Over and over. I turn it to silent and shove it into my pocket. Manager is looking at me, worried. Regular says "who the fuck is he, I'll break his neck." Manager smoothly says "I have an idea who it is.. good girl for ignoring it."

I get up to drop the call, and walk into the bathroom to breathe it out. I get out the payslips and a note drops out; "i'm up for it if you are... meet me later when they leave." As I get out I run into him in the hall, he must have noticed my mood drop with the phone calls. "You're staying here tonight, don't argue." He's never been so adamant. We walk back together.

As the chef leaves, and I get up to see him off. This leaves the scene as Manager, Regular and little me in a closed pub with a bottle of Jack Daniels. As I go to sit down next to Regular, he says "no honey, go sit over with (Manager). I avoided leaning back or into his shoulder, because as much as everyone knows we've been fucking, and we don't make a serious point to hide it, we don't advertise it either. Especially not the fact we're still going after his promotion. I smile and motion over to Manager, he has his arm out over the bench, and as I sit down his arm closes around me and pulls me into his chest. His fingers rub my waist and I snuggle deeper into him. Regular just watches and says "i'm enjoying this".

They talk a little about life and faith, and i'm so tired after this long week of work and work and more work i'm falling asleep on Manager's chest. Then regular says "oh, and (manager), this girl loves you." My eyes open, I press deeper against his chest, and wonder if he's going to stiffen up at those words... he doesn't.

Regular turns to me, "and you." Aah, there's that stiffening I knew would happen. Manager leans down, lips against my cheek, and whispers "sit up." I do and listen. "He's a good man, and I love him like a son. He's also a Christian man. You need to respect him and how what he believes. Be faithful to him."

"And you..." (turning to Manager) "do you love her?"
I feel him nod.
"Good, because she has a lot of love and care in her."

And that was it. From then on there was just a lot of "room 3" jokes. We called regular a cab at 2am (on a Monday night) and I re-parked Regular's and my car, and we go upstairs. He hugs me, pulling me in deep against his chest, being so much more intimate than usual. Running his fingers under the hem of my shirt and against my lower back, breathing against me. He kisses me and nuzzles his stubble against my cheek.

We get undressed, and I keep a loose cool shirt on. He holds me against his chest and says "you're going to be too hot in that.." so I sit up, smile and take it off.

He nuzzles my neck and in a deep, throaty voice says "if you find i'm hard, I'm going to fuck the hell out of you."

I reach down.
I start sucking his rock hard cock.

"Is it true?"
"Hmmm?" (from around his cock.)
"What (regular) said."
fuck.
"Which part?"
"are you.. in love with me?"
"I honestly don't know."

And we left it there.
I left in the morning in good humor.